I had a miserable 2019 by all accounts. My brother’s passing and my being unemployed culminated in a devastating one-two punch. It had me questioning my will to go on.
As 2020 began I had arrived at the final fork in the road. I could live in this moment forever or I could use 2019 as fuel to get back on my feet and keep pushing forward. At this moment I dropped myself into the shoes of another important figure in my life.
My Dad was a good man by all accounts. He took care of his kids. Defended us even when we were wrong. He took us everywhere and anywhere and ensured that we had everything we ever wanted in life. He had flaws though. The largest being his “Type A” personality. He was the type of person who wanted everything in life and he wanted it now. He had no time for patience or planning or people in authority over him.
As a result, his health began to fail him early and often. He had his first Stroke at 38. Heart Attacks followed in his 50’s. He was forced to retire in his early 50’s as working in any capacity was just too stressful for him. He couldn’t get out of his own way.
My Mom stepped into the role of primary wage earner, head of the household and chief cook and bottle washer in those years. She was unstoppable in my eyes.
Even as her own health began to decline she soldiered on. Cancer came to her not long after my Dad was forced into retirement. It hasn’t really ever left. It comes, takes a part of her, retreats, and comes back for another part of her over and over again.
Now, just starting out into her 80’s, she’s still fighting. At times I wonder where her strength comes from.
In April of 2019, her husband passed away. He’d had a stroke in 2018 and it had left him a shell of his former self. confined to a wheelchair and largely non-communicative. My mother made sure he stayed in his home and gave him round the clock care. His condition continued to worsen until he passed.
Her brother passed away in November of 2019. The last surviving member of her immediate family. She hid it well because of what was happening with her son at the time but I knew she was struggling.
Then in December, her son passed. The one son that she knew would always be there to take care of her. Her safety blanket.
As cruel as 2019 had been for me how had she pulled through?
NoShade's 